My Introduction to this Blog

TWIN FLAME? SOULMATE? I DON’T BELIEVE IN SUCH NONSENSE!!

I was skeptical of the whole “soulmate” concept for a long time. I was not one who goes around labeling every person I meet as a potential soulmate or twin flame, like I needed a “meaning” or title for each person I encountered. I dislike the women that claims “oh, I’m so in love with so-so he’s my soulmate” Then it’s like the same thing with 10 other guys. No, I was never like that! Not every person I set my eyes upon or thought of was cute or hot or was intimate with, did I considered a soul partner. With so many people on this planet I found it hard to believe in “the one.” I still have my issues with calling someone a soulmate. Generally I feel that many people like to use the word to describe a sexual relationship with someone rather than a platonic friendship.

TWIN FLAME / TWIN SOUL / DIVINE COUNTERPART / BELOVED

I am using the term Twin Flame because many people know what it is now. I have a song I called True Soul Love (Spotify / YouTube) that I wrote and recorded around 2005, and even in that song I used the term Twin Soul not Twin Flame. I’ve began a spiritual journey around 1996 long before finding out that I’m a Twin Flame. My journey began when I found Conversations with God by Neale Donald Walsch (Published in 1995 and on the New York Times best seller list for 137 weeks.) I would also find my real life, not online, spiritual community back around 1998-1999. I have attended school from 2000-2005 studying Video Production then transferee to a bachelor of science program Digital Media Production at The Art Institute of Philadelphia. You can see my digital profile on my YouTube channel which a few of my projects incorporated spiritual concepts. PSA for Peace, Light of Love Productions logo, a Neale Donald Walsch Humanity’s Team commercial idea, and a no longer open vegan cafe called Kind Cafe.

I have heard the term Soulmates and even Twin Souls/Flames, but discarded and avoided it like I did with reading romance novels. One day, I did eventually pick up a book. I’ve first read about Twin Flames through Elizabeth Clair Prophet book titled Soulmates and Twin Flames (Published 1999). There may have been times where I felt a feeling or a ‘knowing’ some people would call it, that Billy Corgan was mine but I would quickly dismiss it and I can’t describe the words fully about this other then ‘this is crazy. He’s a celebrity and I’m sure hundreds of desperate girls spread open their legs for him and tell him he’s their soulmate. I’m just going to stay away from that. I might be obsessed with these thoughts that I have. Why do I think about this celebrity? I’m just going to admire from afar. This must be a phase. My one celebrity crush.’ ❤️

Another side thought after I just realized when that book was published and how it lines up with his Machina concept album. . . I wish I remembered when I picked it up and read it. I was thinking some time while in school between 2000 – 2005, before I wrote my album. That poem, I wrote a poem after being inspired by this one book. Maybe it was before that, after I found my spiritual community and in my 3rd apartment. I’m going to think about this……ok, time to look up old poem and digital dates…….

DON’T GO ON THAT PATH

I did though. I also wanted to learn more about it. I NEEDED to learn more about it, as I was presented with this huge, I didn’t know what it was. I was informed that I was this celebrity’s Twin Flame. I wasn’t expecting to be a twin flame. I didn’t ASSUME that I was a soulmate OR a Twin Flame, to some celebrity, or go up to him and say ‘hey, I’m your soulmate, baby’. Now, here I am, reading all about it, because this sounds too good to be true. Anyone can just say they are a soulmate to a celebrity! Rich and famous! What a dream so many people desire to have! Johnny Deep has like 12 people claiming to be his twin flame. Who knows how many more now, I don’t follow him nor his fan pages. People in position of power can also mentally abuse people if they are narcissistic. We can see this example with Jeffery Epstein and him preying on young girls who are in vulnerable situations. I need to roll up my sleeves and go digging. Regardless if it felt right, because I was already in that bubble phase, and regardless that I loved him, I need to take my brain with me.

Dear friends, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, because many false prophets have gone out into the world. 1 John 4:1

Sometime in 2014 I jumped in the Smashing Pumpkins online Facebook fan community. I was interacting with them before I learned that Billy Corgan actually used Twitter and it was him tweeting. It took me sometime before I tried interacting with the account.

I was actually enjoying myself as a fan with other fans! I was interacting with people who had the same favorite band and share a love for the music and respect for this man. Then again, I was being attacked in the fan community before I learned I was a twin flame. I already announced my heart filled love for him in all of the fan groups. I thought I was in good company being with the other super-fans. I mean, I can be me and share my love and not be ashamed. I didn’t meet too many people over the years that had the same music appreciation for them. Now, we have social media and can connect with other people with the same music taste. I’m going to be free and be a little flirty, because I’m a Libra and a stripper and I’m sure these people understand and there seems to be other women who have the same attraction towards Billy. I mean, I could be wrong and they could be fame chasers or gold diggers, but I didn’t feel alone because I haven’t come across many, if any women, who found him attractive in my life. So when someone posted a picture of him, I wasn’t embarrassed and admitted my love. Wish I knew when it officially began for me in these groups.

Yay! I have friends! I found my people! This is my tribe! Maybe I’ll find a future boyfriend/husband in this group! They think about Billy and enjoy his music as much as I do!

Billy Billy Billy Billy Billy Billy Billy Billy Billy Billy Billy Billy

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Apparently, I thought wrong. Not everyone appreciated me, or I was tolerated and I annoyed others. I mean, the one group may had like six thousand or more people in it so, if not everyone looked at every post or went on Facebook often, I’m sure many at one point came across my posts! They probably still do! I would eventually be removed and blocked by that one Smashing Pumpkins fan page. I’m just spreading some LOVE! Here’s some examples of memes that I made that you can probably still find in those groups:

Just a simple search of my name back in 2014-2015 and you’ll come across a jackpot I’m sure! Here is someone lecturing me about posting my love for the man. This fan community seems to have a toxic fan base. I cut off this persons name:

I don’t know what this person was saying about “how to love him” maybe it should have read how much that I loved him. I think this comment was more her telling me how I can love him on HER terms. I was following the lead of other fans and wasn’t the only one that expressed that I was HIGHLY attracted towards him. Well, maybe I was the only one HIGHLY attracted to him, because I now know and understand more.

I am going to elaborate on being HIGHLY attracted to Billy Corgan. When I say this, it does not mean that I am centered in my groin area, the lower chakras, and proceed to masterbate to every picture, every night. I am not attached to his body in that way. It was always more than that for me. It was always about looking into his eyes whenever I see an image of him. It never crossed my mind over the years to even LOOK between him legs if there’s a bulge or not as I wasn’t interested in knowing about his package in his pants nor the amount of money he made. (I had to learn about this in the groups, that women were judging men’s bulges, and I was a stripper, of all things!). I loved him in my own little way and most of my life is spent away from him. I didn’t even go to many shows. My first show was Zwan, AFTER he first broke off the Pumpkins. In my heart, I know I love him. Highly, to me, is more on a soul level as opposed to the physical body. I had his music. I had images I saved over the years but rarely went and seen him in person. He’s just my one celebrity crush. On going and never ending. Then, after entering the online fan community and this little “thing” I had, started to unravel and grow beyond I ever knew possible!

Perhaps I end up posting more then I should and they hated it. Maybe I was annoying. (IE: how I imagine some of these people thinking to themselves while scrolling through their newsfeed: oh no, there’s KIM again with an “I absolutely LOVE Billy Corgan” post AGAIN, for the TENTH time TODAY!!) I was expressing myself like everyone else though, I even had my own group for this purpose! There was even a woman that posted a picture of what was supposed to be a bulge that was Billy Corgan wearing his silver pants but his head was cut off. I can’t confirm if it was him or not in the picture. It COULD be, but I’m not assuming. It’s like, Dear Lord. You RUINED my perfect image of him in my head!

Or….maybe, perhaps, I was a bit too forward. I don’t know what to say to that. I just have all this love for him all bottled up and when I was finally able to let loose and hang out, well, I guess there it goes. My love for him was just oozing out of me. There was no going back. I would SHOUT it out on top of the mountain! I even wrote it in sand on the Beach of Santa Monica.

As for her comment about the music. They ALL resonated with me, because I LOVE ALL OF HIM. I can’t just pick any one song. This is Billy Corgan! DUH!! Sure, ask me about any other celebrity, I’ll have a better answer for you that you will like, but when it came to Billy Corgan, for me, it was always that I loved his music. Something prevents me from creating “lists” of songs I love/hate. That’s how I “knew” this is my one favorite celebrity/artist. I can’t explain it. Isn’t that what a favorite band/artist is about? That’s how I learned how to define it. Maybe they shouldn’t be in the fan group pages being so judgmental and petty about an artist works of art. That’s my opinion. That’s how I felt when it came to Billy Corgan. That I felt I was true fan of his and that’s why I was in his fan groups. I don’t just go and join random fan pages and post petty things nit picking about other artist music and making list of what songs I rank that I like more than another or how I would rewrite a song to my liking. Go write your own damn music! This is the one artist I seem to love, no matter what. Bon Jovi don’t even compare to Billy Corgan in my world. Maybe I’ll write up a list for this girl of the Bon Jovi songs I like and don’t like. I’m sure she’ll be happy.

Some time before I started down this path, I had been in a few other fan groups, mainly James Spader and the Blacklist television show that he was on. I was going through a phase of not listening to too much music and motherhood. My daughter was 2 in 2014 and I also had a son born in 2009. Billy Corgan and music sort of slipped in the back of my mind, still there, just not a focus, but I was watching some television shows along with my kids father. We were watching shows like NCIS, Criminal Minds and Blue Bloods. Then I became a fan of the Blacklist when it first came out (October 2013).

Who is this bald headed man? I looked him up and found that oh, look, he was in that movie Stargate and I thought he was hot in that movie (not Billy Corgan hot, but he was cute). I soon found the groups and became somewhat of a groupie to this show for a while. When I learned that I may have another celebrity crush and it wasn’t Billy Corgan, I was excited and felt “normal”. Yay, I found another celebrity I can be attracted to! I wonder if I’ll feel the same way with him as I do about Billy Corgan. Well, the thing is, I would eventually learn that James Spader just didn’t stick with me like how Billy Corgan does.

I learned that the women who had the hots for James Spader were nickname the Spadettes. It’s cute. Women were flirty and there was even women that would post screenshots of James “assets”. I learned a little more about James as an actor but, in my mind, an awakening of the other one started to emerge again. Maybe I’m digging James bald look because it reminds me of Billy Corgan? Oh Billy! I want to go in his groups and maybe flirt with his pictures with other ladies and talk other stuff. Maybe I can find “support” and friendship with other fans of the band. This sounds like a good idea! I need to find Smashing Pumpkins fan pages and not Blacklist fan pages. Mr Spader don’t hold my interest truly and I still have this “thing” for Billy Corgan. For me, Billy Corgan has no end. He just outshines everyone, in my mind.

So…..it begins.

Time went on. The fandom for James Spader and the Blacklist fizzled out. The energy inside and all around me was building up for Billy Corgan while I getting more deep in the Pumpkins groups. I didn’t feel this way while in the James Spader groups. You can say my heart ejected James and returned Billy back to the throne of my heart. Like a wrestler, he picked him up and toss him out of the ring which was on top of a mountain and James fell into the abyss of nothingness.

Now, here I was being torn down and targeted within a group of insecure fans? Seriously? I guess I wasn’t a part of their cult and something to fear. Maybe I was mirroring them and they didn’t like it. I triggered them. I’m seriously missing the Spadettes. There’s SO much DRAMA within the Pumpkin fans! But I’m not drawn to James Spader like Billy Corgan!!!!! WTF??!!! Can I PLEASE have another celebrity “crush”?

And then, I would find out I was a twin flame……??????

Oh, how wonderful! I thought there was something wrong with me to have such a love for this celebrity! I kept it hidden in my heart for a long time and I HATED it. I felt like I was cursed. It’s like, he’s a celebrity and I don’t know how I would meet him or if he would even have an interest in me at all if I did meet him, so I’ll just enjoy him from a distance. I don’t want to just go to shows, I wanted him! I’m an all or nothing type of person. Sometimes I wondered in my head if people “just knew” where my heart is anyway because it’s probably written on my forehead or something. Never mind the fact that I’d dance to their music while at work, like a LOT.

Need that as a tattoo, right? No, I have none. ZERO tattoos. I don’t need to display it on my body. My love is in my heart. So, I’m not a fan girl after all? This could also explain the super-fans reaction towards me. He’s the only one I love this way! It all makes sense now!!! Thank you!

So………. now what? Why isn’t he knocking down my door or talking to me?

TWIN FLAME to a CELEBRITY!your more insane for claiming this!

Well, not only did I encounter backlash from the Smashing Pumpkins community, I would experience a push back from the Twin Flame community. I was first reading about it through search engines, websites and YouTube videos. Then, I eventually decided to seek out Facebook groups and pages. Clearly they must be out there like fan pages.

Welcome to the Twin Flame groups!

Let’s see what else I can learn. He’s still away from me and I still have what seems to be bubble love. I took online quizzes on Twin Flame sites and we checked out, this is what it is! I kept it hidden of who and that it was a world known celebrity for a while when I entered the online communities. (Even though in my own head I’d sware people just “knew” when they seen my name. Oh no, he comes Billy Corgan’s Twin Flame joining the groups!) I realized while in the Twin Flame community I needed a little more information because they weren’t speaking to me, so I started to come out of my shell. (Because I had no shame whatsoever with my love now. Not only that what IF he did this to other people???) Hey, I have a celebrity Twin Flame and if he feels this love connection why isn’t he with me and acting all weird with what appears to be indirect messages through his social media? Anyone else experience this?

Well, here is an example of people attacking the non celebrity of a Twin Flame dynamic.

Apparently love can only happen between rich and rich and poor and poor according to these people. The have and have nots aren’t allowed to be together. Bald heads only date bald heads. Eagle fans only date Eagle fans. Chevy lovers don’t date Ford lovers. Love has boundaries. Dating outside of the amount of income you make is forbidden. If that’s true, no one would be together because of the known income inequality between men and women. This is some shallow claim right here. Twin flame pair can’t be someone of status and non status.

I object to these haters, as you can see. But, it’s true. Some people can become disillusional, and that’s how Johnny Depp can have two dozen or more people claiming to be a Twin Flame.

This was the starting point of my Twin Flame blogs. Not only that, but what I gathered in a narcissistic indirect message from my twin flame, that he also wanted me to go public about it and show evidence. It was during his time at Impact Wrestling that these things would show up and it appears this is what he wanted me to do since he was cyber stalking me and following my online journey of discovery about Twin Flames. I wonder…who wrote these scripts…

EVIDENCES

Can I show physical world evidence of a twin flame? Everything we claim it is to be? Am I making all of this up in my head? Maybe this man is lying to me! Was I supposed to watch these videos? Maybe I am going crazy!

It’s also possible with the Hardy brothers with their delete or decay thing is related and another passive aggressive move by my beloveds ego to want me to delete my blogs. But, whatever. I felt like after stepping into this, that maybe this is me showing the hand of God.

I’m annoyed of this passive aggressive indirect messages and silent treatment. He has a problem with me or my blogs, he can speak to me in person, not send flying monkeys or hide behind fake profiles.

That behavior is NOT ok, but here is my blogs and me trying to show this Twin Flame connection and how it shows up in reality.

I hope I supplied enough physical world EVIDENCE. Could I be showing the hand of God? I leave it here for you, the reader, to decide.

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